What’s happening in 2012 for paulyting.com?
Happy new year to you all!
Yes, it’s February third and it’s been a little while since I have posted. To my loyal readers who may have wondered what happened to me, I’m sorry for my sudden departure.
As you may have been aware, I was living in San Francisco last year and spent my days reflecting on what had been a tumultuous couple of years. I wrote close to 80,000 words in 80 days and in that time, built a loyal following of nearly 1000 wonderful people like you.
Many of you privately shared your own stories, anecdotes and fears with me and it was possibly the most humbling time of my life, knowing that my words were connecting with someone in such a way. Read More…
Tell me lies, just don’t LIE to me!
It’s so much easier to just lie sometimes. It’s even beneficial at times – as if you’d ever admit to the police officer that you were intentionally speeding.
Some lies keep the peace; telling your girlfriend that she looks fat in her new dress or that you don’t like someone’s cooking isn’t going to win you friends anytime soon.
We tell people that we’re feeling great even when we aren’t. We claim to be rich when we’re poor and say we have to work early when really we just don’t want to stay at the party. I also highly doubt that you drank fifty drinks last night or that you’re working hard all day.
White lies to help us get through the day; I’m late because of traffic, my phone died, I’m working hard, I didn’t get your email, of course I’ll work here forever and so on.
Seemingly innocuous stories that everyone knows you’re telling (and were preventable) but excuse them only because one day, may have to use themselves.
Why most advice is worth just 2 cents
Advice is an interesting beast. Some people sell it for a living; others offer it for free; some force it down your throat and then there are those who refuse to give it at all. The one thing that is consistent: advice is opinion. My opinion, your opinion, their opinion, our opinion.
Opinion that has been drawn from personal experience and interpretation. A hoard of data which has been adopted, interpreted, handled, processed and summarised into evidence.
Perhaps it’s the broken hearted girl who thinks that all boys lie. Perhaps it’s the burned business owner who thinks all employees are scabs. Perhaps it’s the consultant who insists it needs to be done their way or you’re stupid. Perhaps it’s the political leader who thinks one minority or sub culture is to blame for everything. Maybe it’s just that every time you wore a particular t-shirt you scored free lunch thus making it your ‘lucky tee’.
Whatever happens in your life, you will gain experience and understanding of yourself and the world around you; even if you choose to do nothing. Keep trucking on because even when it’s darkest, the experience is never wasted.
Courtesy costs nothing; good manners even less
I wish we could teach mindfulness and critical thought to the population.
We have computers nowadays to work out the mundane stuff so let’s use that saved time and energy to deepen our ability to think. As humans with brains that allow us to creatively reason, rhyme and rationalise, we don’t invest enough resources, time and energy into using our minds for consideration, innovation and general mindfulness.
Not just the kind of ‘oh can you hold the door open for me?” type of consideration but the deep-set ‘I’m understanding the world through your eyes’ type of consideration.
We’re all selfish at times; we do it out of self-preservation, greed or insecurity. It’s easy to blame selfishness on ignorance, emotion or circumstance; fabricating reason, stories and evidence to justify the decisions that you made.
The day I learned to let go of material possessions
In January this year, my home town of Brisbane was largely flattened by a massive river flood. Water, mud, debris and pollutants filled the streets, houses, offices and cars. But most of all, it swallowed people’s livelihoods, their hard work and the things that they cherished.
As we literally shovelled wheelbarrow after wheelbarrow of mud from people’s living rooms and bedrooms, the receding water left a painful reminder of what they had lost.
People rushed from their homes, packing up what they could save and moved to higher ground. For hours and days, people wept, laughed and sighed as they tried to estimate the damage and loss they would suffer. People leaned heavily on family and friends, watching helplessly, anxiously. Having the time to consider their losses was possibly more traumatic than the loss itself.
It’s all to do with your timing
We’d love to hire you – just not right now.
I’m sorry, I’m just not ready for this relationship.
That joke is inappropriate!
I caught you in the nick of time!
That song moved me.
We got in just at the right moment.
You should have seen the look on their face!
Oh no I left it in the oven for too long!
Sorry we’re closed.
This steak is tough.
It was our anniversary yesterday, not today.
Oh my gosh, that’s so 1980′s.
Um, you missed out sorry.
Burnt toast.
I’m sorry.
Timing rules our lives. From cooking an edible meal to a decent sleep, spending time at work versus with friends or getting a late payment fee, timing is the backbone of our day. It’s started and ended wars, started and ended relationships and created (and lost) riches.
Like a moth to a flame
One of the things that’s always fascinated me is the way moths are attracted to a light yet are considered nocturnal creatures. I’ve read a few articles as to why this is the most ‘scientific’ explanation suggests that it has something to do with their navigation system.
According to Mike Saunders and Penn State University, “Moths often use the moon to orient themselves during night flight.” The moon acts as an optical infinity which means that as it reflects light from the sun, it appears on earth as a parallel and even light source. With an even light, moths can fly through the night with impeccable accuracy, until we turn on a light. (source – http://www.rps.psu.edu/probing/moths.html)
Whether it’s a fire or a porch light, the artificial source creates a new data point for the moth to understand direction. Being much brighter than the moon, the moth’s internal navigation system tries hard to recalibrate ultimately changing its triangulation properties.
The ironic abundance of scarcity
I’ve waited in a queue for five hours for limited concert tickets lamenting that the wait was longer than the actual show. I then turned down plentiful tickets to the same band available at half the cost (and half the effort).
I’ve fussily pored over the best looking fruit turning my nose up at a whole shelf of produce; then I’ve been grateful that the seedy late-night convenience store had even one tired looking banana to eat.
I’ve complained about having the same old boring music to listen to but then have been thankful that the Backstreet Boys was on the radio to break an awkward car silence.
I’ve spent all my life with loved ones, at times fighting with them and cursing their luck; then I’ve stood mourning at their casket wishing I could have one more moment with them; I wouldn’t care who was right or wrong at this point.
They told me “It’s for your success…”
I turned down a job the other day that would have solved a lot of my problems.
Great company, great job responsibility, great team, healthy budgets to work with, good compensation, a working visa and they wanted me to start immediately. It sounded almost too good to be true, particularly in the closing months to Christmas.
Many thought I’d be mad to turn it down; “you’re not going to do any better” they said. “Better for whom?”, I asked.
Then came the single condition that was a deal breaker.
You need to live near our office. No you cannot commute from SF. This is not negotiable. It’s for your success.
My success or their success? This meant moving away from my wonderful friends, my awesome flatmate, my rowing, my music, San Francisco and the life I wished to live.
The small details are the reason you care
I noticed when you didn’t wash your hands.
I noticed when you borrowed something and didn’t put it back.
I noticed when you put a scratch on my car and didn’t tell me.
I noticed when you were late and didn’t apologise.
I noticed when you didn’t hold my hand the same way you used to.
I noticed when you said that it didn’t matter but acted differently.
I noticed when you rolled your eyes as you turned away.
I noticed when you saw me but pretended that you didn’t.
I noticed when you didn’t chip in for dinner.
I noticed when you put me down in front of your friends.
I noticed when you didn’t put the toilet seat down.
I noticed when you didn’t clean up after yourself.
I noticed when you told me a white lie.
