The brilliant thing about humans is that we have the ability to imagine things and then bring them to life. Unlike other species that roam the earth, our capacity for connecting dots, imagining the missing ones and then inventing things to paint a new picture is what keeps us out of the trees.
As a result, the world we live in has been imagined and fabricated by our very minds and the minds of our ancestors. From rules, manners, language, music, architecture, technology and beyond, these have originated from someone sitting back and asking, ‘what it?’
It’s crazy when you think about how much stuff we have compared to a dog or an insect. Whilst we could discuss at length the new set of problems we’ve created for ourselves, we can’t ignore the amazing opportunities we are presented with each and every day. Unlike other animal kingdoms, even poor genetics culling us from the planet is rapidly becoming ‘taken care of’.
So as we head closer and closer toward the singularity – the concept that we will live forever due to intelligent technological progression – the question remains, why do I meet so many damned negative people?
I mean, can we really be skeptical at this point about possibility? Your life is pretty good compared to a bug. We’ve found the bottom of the sea, we’ve blasted into space, we’ve cultivated and transplanted complete organs, simplified and globalised cultures, communication and commerce; we’ve even found a way to get the last bit of toothpaste out of the tube.
As a human being, you have the gift of imagination and most of all, turning that imagination into something you can create.
Believe it or not, it’s just as easy to create something you don’t like versus something you do like. It’s ok to say you want to build a successful company or a have a loving relationship, to make lots of money or to be fit and energetic. It takes a certain imagination, a belief, some action and validation of those actions.
It’s exactly the same process as creating the opposite of those things. Being unsuccessful, being unloving, being poor and being fat and lazy. It’s just imagining something, setting a belief, taking action then gathering evidence to support that belief which is called validation.
The best example of this is when people say to me, why can’t I find Mr Perfect or Miss Perfect. Everyone I date is a jerk blah blah blah. In their head, everyone is a jerk and it’s just a matter of finding the least jerky jerk.
They are fixated on critiquing everyone via the jerk filter. It’s a painful, aggressive and rough and tumble process. No-one likes starting from a defensive position and so they will reciprocate by critiquing you with the same filter thus ending in the outcome they expected. When people go looking for a fight, they always find one.
The reality is however, is that they are single and dateless. They say they want to be dating someone they adore and who adores them but they’re acting as if they’re just waiting to be let down.
Each time they have met someone that wasn’t what they had in mind, they put it down to the other person being a jerk/wanker/loser/with issues etc and so without realising, their mind starts to re-position how they look at people and life. They allow these experiences to make them cautious, guarded and harder rather than smarter, stronger and more resolved about what they want. They chalk this up as experience and growth and sure enough, they have evidence now to support their view that everyone else is the jerk until proven otherwise.
So at this point when I’m listening to the prickly suitor, I like to re-position their view and ask them, why not look at the world as that everyone you date is amazing in their own way and you’re simply just wanting to find the most amazing person? It might sound touchy-feely but if you start to genuinely look for what’s good in people, they will funnily enough reciprocate to find what’s good in you. People like other people who like them.
What you imagine in your mind is what you will create – whether you like it or not. This is the gift and the curse of the human condition. If you live in a head space of devil’s advocacy and looking for bear traps, soon enough you will find them. Not because they always existed but because weirdly enough, other people will reciprocate and think that if you’re asking for bear traps, best to give one to you.
In a convoluted way, the world is just giving you what you’re really asking for. It’s easy to say you want to be fit and toned as you eat another packet of Oreos.
Imagine the amazing things you want in life. The amazing experiences, the beautiful relationships, the happy celebrations and create the belief that these are there are just different levels of awesome. Then take the actions to make sure you’re always exposing yourself to awesome and finding what’s amazing in people, situations and challenges. You will find those people who will reciprocate, who will help you along the way and will validate your belief that life can be happy and fulfilling. And you surprisingly won’t see the ones who try to bring you down.
Remember, feeling shitty about life comes from the same imagination that can make you feeling like you have just won the lottery. You have the gift of imagination – use it for goodness sake.